Only When I Sleep
by Anne

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But it's only when I sleep

Cordy opened her eyes and groaned aloud. Three days in a row this had happened to her... three days. What did she do to deserve that? Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she moved about her room, doing her morning routine.

She stepped into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Groaning a bit, she ran a hand through her hair and turned the shower on. Every time she closed her eyes, she had the image of Buffy kissing her flash in her mind.

Not that that was a bad thing per se, but why that dream? And why now? Cordelia was a seer. She was used to these things coming into her head. But they usually happened when she was awake, and were followed by extreme pain. This was a dream -- or a nightmare, depending on who you were and how you looked at it.

She stepped into the shower and closed her eyes, letting the water run over her tense muscles. Once again, she saw Buffy and her, happy and kissing. When her eyes opened, all she could think was that it had to stop. She would forgo sleep forever if that's what it took to make these dreams go away, as well as become Maybelline's best customer to cover the bags forming under her eyes. Basically, she would do anything to empty her head and clear her mind.

Cordy stepped out of the shower and went about finishing her daily ritual before heading over to the office. Angel wanted her to do some paperwork for today. L.A. was literally lacking the usual demon population, lately. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the hotel, where there was no use worrying over her dream/nightmare. Besides, she wasn't planning on going to Sunnydale any time soon.


Cordy leaned back in her desk chair and looked around. Angel was still sleeping, and no one knew where Wes and Gunn had disappeared to. She let out a yawn of boredom before putting her head down on her desk, hoping that Angel didn't expect her to know when he got up. She was a seer, not a miracle worker, and she couldn't leave the office yet, just in case she got a vision. But everyone else was free to do what they wanted.

She picked up her latest issue of Vogue, trying not to dwell on how much that sucked, and began reading. She was beyond bored now. However, the phone rang and she leaned over to pick it up, a part of her hoping that the voice on the other end would rescue her.

"Angel Investigations, 'We Help the Hopeless.'" She picked up her pen and prepared herself to take notes.

"Cordelia?" The voice on the other end of the phone was hesitant.

Cordy leaned back in her chair and put the pen down, curious. "Yeah...this is her."

"Hi, this is Tara, Willow's girlfriend. I know we don't know each other, but we're planning a party for Will's birthday, and we were wondering if the L.A. crew...I mean, you guys, uh, would like to come?" The words came out in a shy rush.

She was going to politely decline the invitation, and opened her mouth to do so, but at the last second she reconsidered. "You know what? Sure. Let me check with the 'crew,' and I'll call you back." She grinned.

The girls said their good-byes, and Cordy swore she heard Tara blush. Hanging up the phone, she jogged upstairs, knocking once on Angel's door when she came to it. Not getting an answer, she walked right in.

"Rise and shine, 'Grr Guy.' We have to talk. Now." She perched herself on the corner of his bed, while he slowly welcomed waking up.

Angel rubbed his eyes before sitting upright, and then he looked at his seer. "What is it, Cordelia?"

Cordy crossed her arms and pouted a little -- for good measure. "We're invited to Willow's surprise party this weekend. I wanna go."

Angel blinked a few times before completely sitting straight against his headboard and facing Cordy. "You woke me up to tell me that you WANT to go Sunnydale for the weekend?" The question was asked in confusion.

"Yep." Cordy stood up and bounced out of the room. Looking over her shoulder in the doorway she informed him, "You're going too, you know."

Then she disappeared down the stairs, leaving Angel to shake his head and begin to get dressed. His seer confused him deeply.

Cordy continued her way down to the lobby to call Tara back. She was a little homesick for Sunnydale, which she could admit, just not to anyone else. But she was, though, and she was going to put her habit of saying what was on her mind, to good use when she got there. She was going find out once and for all, why the hell she was dreaming about Buffy. She made the call before going back to her desk; there were two days until she could get answers. Waiting wasn't something enjoyed, but she had no choice in the matter.

Sitting, she hardly had time to return to the article she'd been reading before Fred entered. She smiled at her newest co-worker, briefly wondering if they were going to take her and Gunn with them. Ah well. She returned to her magazine, deciding to let Angel deal with it. The vampire in question slowly made his way down to the front of the office, nodding 'Hello' to Fred before making his way over to Cordy. He took a seat on the corner of her desk before speaking.

"Morning." He figured he'd start small.

Cordy looked up from her magazine. "Afternoon." She corrected.

Angel blinked and looked at the clock. Huh -- she was right. "Afternoon." He amended.

Cordy didn't say anything else, but she did put her magazine down to focus her attention on Angel.

"So...uh...why do you want to go to Sunnydale?" Angel cringed inwardly. Not the best way to get her to open up. He would've liked to ease into it, but it was the best he could do.

Cordy rolled her eyes, and stood up. "Angel, we were invited to a party." She started off in her usual tone. "It's called nice etiquette if we show up." Her tone was now laced with her unspoken, 'Duh'. "Plus, I said we'd show, so we kinda have to, now."

Angel nodded as if he understood her, when in truth, he was more than a little lost. "Sure, makes sense." He waited until she sat back down before asking the next question. "All of us?"

Cordy shrugged. "I guess so. You can ask the others if they wanna go." She stood back up and grabbed her coat. "I just know that I want to." She began walking away from him.

Angel stood up to follow her. "Where are you going?"

She turned around and placed her hands on her hips. "Stop being 'Overprotective Guy.' I'm going shopping for a gift for Willow. It's a birthday party." She emphasized.

Angel nodded again in agreement. "Can you pick me up something, too?" He asked, sheepishly. Shopping was not his thing.

He watched her eyes light up as he handed over his Gold card. He tried to repress a groan at the thought of the upcoming bill.

"Sure, no problem." Came her enthusiastic answer, while she literally bounced out the door.


Cordy entered her apartment, exhausted and weighed down. After flicking on the light, she placed her bags down, shrugged off her coat, and then tossed it on her chair. Taking a breath, she gathered the bags back up into her arms, and proceeded to carry them to the bedroom. Almost stumbling to her mattress, she dumped the bags on it and flopped down next to them. Kneading the back of her neck with her hand, she sat up straight, reminding herself that there was still work to do.

She gathered up the stuff she got for Willow, placed it in a gift bag, and then did the same with Angel's gift. Setting them aside on the chair in the corner, she went back to rummaging through her bags, taking out the outfit that she bought for the weekend (she really had to thank Angel; he was so generous). She hung it up in her closet, and returned to putting everything else away. When she finished, she glanced at her watch. It wasn't too late, but it was late enough to go to bed. Though after considering the option, she decided that she didn't need to sleep just yet.

She went back into the living room, curled up on her sofa, grabbed the blankets draped over the top of the furniture so she could cover herself, and turned the TV on. Cordy planned on enduring a very long night of television and boring infomercials. Making herself comfortable, she gave her full attention to the to the screen. She told herself she wasn't tired, but she felt her eyes get heavy fairly quick. She was slowly starting to doze off, so she gave in, not willing to fight her body -- even if those dreams/nightmares were awaiting her. Before leaving reality completely, she pulled the blankets tighter around her.

Then she fell into her dream.


"Hey, Beautiful."

Cordy spun around and smiled at her girlfriend. "Hey yourself."

Buffy walked over and dropped a light kiss on her lips before pulling away. "You seem happy." She noted.

Cordy returned the kiss before grinning. "What's not to be happy about?"

Buffy didn't want to answer until she had made herself comfortable on the couch, but there was a problem; she couldn't be totally comfortable without Cordy. To solve the dilemma, she sat down on the cushions, and then pulled her down so they could be next to each other. Nope, still not good enough. The only thing left to do was wrap her arms around the taller girl. The brunette followed her lead, and snuggled deeper into the embrace.


A ringing interrupted Cordelia from her sleep, and as a result, the fantasy conversation was abruptly ended. She leaned over and answered the phone with a groggy, "Hello?"

"Cordy?" The voice on the other end was frighteningly familiar, and a tad questioning.

"Yep, this is my place, so this must be me." Cordy snapped.

She opened her mouth to apologize when she heard the light laugh.

"Nice to see you haven't changed." Buffy answered.

Cordy swallowed her smart remark, deciding instead to be civilized. "How are you?"

Buffy let out a soft sigh. "I'm good. You?"

Cordy briefly wondered how long they were going to do small talk before they got to the point of the conversation, as she answered, "I'm fine."

Buffy took a deep breath. "So enough small talk." She paused. "I've been dreaming about you." The words came out in a jumbled rush.

How was a shocked ex-cheerleader supposed to respond to that? By dropping the phone like it was on fire, and sitting in a silent stupor, of course.


Cordy took a few deep breaths, and then reached over to pick up the phone. She held it gingerly, before placing it to her ear. "Umm...Sorry about that." She tried to act calm and collected, when inside, she felt like she was on an emotional roller coaster.

Buffy let out a small laugh. "I freaked you out."

Cordy did her best to compose herself. "Of course not." She lied. "I heard a noise and dropped the phone." She made a face at her own lame lie, and hoped Buffy would buy it.

"Uh huh." The slayer shook her head, even though she knew the seer couldn't tell that she was. "Anyways, I was just calling to see if maybe we this weekend?"

"This weekend?" She asked in confusion.

Having a serious conversation after just being woken up was not a good idea.

"Yeah. Tara told us that you guys were coming here for Will's party." Buffy repeated her question again. "So do you think we can sit down and talk, maybe catch up on each other's lives?" The slayer's tone was more than a little hopeful.

Cordy nodded her head before answering. "Yeah, sure we can." She was a little wary about it, but she did want to find out why the blonde kept making starring role appearances in her dreams.

"Good." Buffy sounded relieved. "Night, Cordy."

"Night, Buffy." The seer responded before hanging up the phone.

Cordelia leaned back on her couch, and burrowed herself deeper into the blankets. She rested her head on its arm, slowly permitting her eyes to close. When she got no image, she slipped further down underneath the layers of warm fabric. Once again, she gave herself up to the sleepiness that had a hold on her.


Buffy placed her phone back on the charger, and then stretched out on her bed. She actually felt lighter -- now that she had talked to Cordelia. Sure, nothing was solved, but at least it was out in the open. Willow had told her, that to figure out the meaning behind her dreams, she had to discuss them. Confront them head on. By calling Cordelia, she was taking the first step in confronting them, possibly solving them.

She turned around, fluffed her pillows a few times, and lied down, closing her eyes. She was exhausted. Sunnydale wasn't having the same luck as L.A. The demon population was alive, causing mayhem with a flourish. As a result, it left the slayer tired, as well as in desperate need of sleep. Buffy snuggled deeper into her blankets (much like someone else was doing), before letting the Sandman conquer her.


Buffy held the taller girl against her on the couch, and buried her head in Cordy's neck. "So you gonna tell me why you're so happy?" She asked in a teasing tone.

Cordy cuddled up to her girlfriend, and turned around to place a light kiss on the smaller girl's lips. Then she shook her head. "Of course not." She answered with a smirk.

Buffy pouted a little. "Why not?" Her tone had taken on that of a child's, petulant and whiney.

Cordy rolled her eyes, and then shook her head for the second time. "What are you, five? That doesn't work on me."

Buffy pouted more, trying a 'puppy-dog' eye look. "It should work. If you loved me, it would work." She reasoned.

Cordy rolled her eyes again. It was hard not to when her girlfriend was acting this immature...yet she found the entire display adorable. "If I tell you, it'd only make your head bigger than it already is." She grinned at the blonde's response.

Buffy's jaw dropped, while her face took on a horrified look. "I have a big head?" The slayer asked in a disbelieving tone. She shook her head in disagreement, smirking. "Umm, honey? You're the conceited one, here."

Cordy stuck her tongue out in response. "Now I'm really not telling you why I'm so happy." She threatened.

Buffy's smirk remained as she pulled her girlfriend closer. "So mature, Cor." She mocked.

The brunette backed away, and used her very own resolve face. It was a lot like Willow's, only with more 'Cordelia-ness' in it. "Of course I'm mature. I'm the epitome of mature." She retorted.

Buffy choked back a laugh. "Sure you are, honey." She patted her hand, guided her back into her previous, 'Snuggly Girlfriend' position, and claimed her once again. Cordy sat back at her spot between her girlfriend's legs, but didn't say anything.


*Beep, Beep, Beep*

That annoying alarm clock yanked Buffy from her dream, for what seemed like the millionth time. She groaned as she smacked the snooze button, and lied back down. At this rate, she was never going to figure anything out, if she couldn't even finish it. She threw her covers off and started her day, beginning with moving around her room, trying to find something to wear. She had to be at Giles in less than an hour, so she shot one last, wistful look at her bed before going into the bathroom.

She really wanted to finish that dream. She knew it wasn't anything slayer-related; it was more along the lines of a fantasy. And the very scary thing was, it didn't bother Buffy in the least that she was dreaming about the ex-cheerleader. She didn't understand it, but hell; she didn't understand much of anything in the past few years. If it was strange, it made her feel comfortable.

To Be Continued