That's When I Knew
by Femvamp

Sigmund Freud eat your heart out.

That's probably what the dork shrink is thinking right now. Hell I'm feeding enough neurosis to keep him in ritalin and percodan for the rest of his natural born life. I'm that good.

You see its all a lie. I'm really not crazy. Really I'm not, but damn if I sound like I am. I'd even think I was crazy if I was sitting over there listening to the story I am telling. The truly sick and twisted thing is, its all true.

"You see, Doc, that's when I knew."

"That's when you knew what Miss Chase."

He always calls me 'Miss Chase.' I think he thinks it will stop some sort of sexual transference or something like that. Like he thinks I'll transfer on him. He's a dork for crist sake.

Oh wait. Maybe its a good thing then. I mean looking back at my history.... Xander, Doyle ..... I think maybe its a good thing then.

"That's when I knew I'd never get out."

I was just telling Doctor Dork about the time Xander and I broke into an army installation to steal a rocket launcher. You see it really was the moment I knew I was in trouble. You see that's the moment I fell in love with Xander and that was the moment I fell in love with the life. It was the moment I knew I would never get out of the demon hunting buisness.

"I tried though. I mean I left town later on. But I ended up running into Angel."

"The vampire." The doctor looked at his pad, "The one with a soul."

"Yup that's the one."

That's the one who convinced me to go along with this stupid charade. OK so there might be demons killing mental patience. Why did I have to pretend to be one?

"What happened next."

Well what should I tell him. Should I tell him about Doyle and how I almost fell in love with him. Or how he gave me those damn prophesy visions of his? Or should I tell him about the headaches?

No I won't tell him about that.

So instead I tell him about Kate Lockley.

You see the day I met her, that was the day I knew there was someone more screwed up then me. That was when I knew I had fallen in love again.

But that love was also not meant to be. One day she came to my apartment and told me she was leaving town. The look in her eyes, she had lost everything, her job, her father, her sanity, her faith.

That's when I knew I had been lucky.

I had known betrayal. I had known pain. But I had also known love and friendship. Kate hadn't been so lucky.

"So tell me about the newest member in"

He meant fantasy world. He thinks I'm talking about a fantasy. And he's talking about Fred.

How do I explain Fred to him. Fred just can't be explained in words. She needs to be experienced. She's....Fred.

"You mean Fred."

"Yes tell me about him."




"Fred is a her."

Again he writes in his pad.

"Tell me about her."

"Not much to tell. She got lost in a demon dimenstion. We rescued her. She has a crush on Angel."


Ahhh what you dork?

"Ahhh what you dork?"

Oh I love when he does that. That look that says 'I'm better then you, cause I'm sane.' I had that same look, except my was the 'I'm better then you cause I'm beautiful and popular.' I was wrong. And so is he.

"Your getting hostile, Miss Chase."

"No I'm not. I'm just tired of this game."


"Yeah. Tell me what you want to know. I like my questions blunt."

The truth was I knew what he was getting at. He thinks that I have a thing for Fred. I've talked about her a bit over the last few minutes....oh wait its been twenty minutes.

Well the truth is I am in love with her. I just wouldn't tell that to Doctor Dork.

I haven't always been in love with Fred. As a matter of fact I didn't even like her all that much in the beginning. But then the day in the club and well my entire opinion of her changed.

You see thats when I knew.......

"Well times up, Miss Chase."

"So I can go home now, Doc."

"I don't see why not." I'll put you on some light medication and then you can go home with your father.

He means Wes. I haven't seen my dad or my mom in quite a few years.


As I wait for Wes to sign the papers I think about my life a little more. The things that i've done. The things I might have to do. .... Then I start thinking about Fred. You see the one thing I didn't tell Doctor Dork was that I am really really in love with Fred. But she doesn't love me.

She is in love with Gunn.

And Gunn returns her love.

As I watch Fred during the car ride home. As we get back to the hotel we work out of I see her look at me for a moment and for a moment I freeze.

You see at that moment I realized something....incredible.

That's when I knew I had a chance.

That's when I knew I would take it.