The Reason
by corrupt-blondie

Cordelia saw her ex-boyfriend leaving her former friends at the bench, and eagerly waited to play the game again. This little tango of verbal insults was something she enjoyed, and she knew Xander enjoyed as well on some level. She wasn't angry with Xander for cheating on her with Willow, after after she was cheating on with Faith. The cheerleader was betrayed by the fact she gave up everything to hang with people she considered friends discarded her so easily. For them to regard her as yesterday's trash deeply hurt the cheerleader and to protect herself, she shut them all out. "Ooo, look, it's Mr. Excitement. On another life-or-death doughnut mission, or are we just cruising for bimbos again, giving them lessons in lack of cool?" Cordelia asked sarcastically.

Xander just grinned and walked away, much to her dismay. Trying to get Xander's new found cocky attitude out of her mind, Cordelia thought about her love. When Faith came to Sunnydale, Cordelia threw out some biting comment about the dark slayer's apparel. Secretlt, however, she was attracted to Faith. She later found out the brunette slayer in question was attracted to her as well and they began their relationship. Shortly after, Cordelia told Faith that she loved her, but to her discontent, the girl never returned the sentiment.

Cordelia went to Faith's place and when she entered the spotless motel room Cordelia noticed something seriously wrong. To the naked eye, everything looked the same, but the cheerleader caught a hint of something that made her stoamch churn. It was a combination of cheap, knockoff cologne and the smell of sex.

The cheerleader grabbed at her heart in a pain that she so rarely felt. It happened when she caught Xander with Willow, but compared to this, that was like a needle stabbing at her heart. Bile was rising in her throat, and Cordelia ran to the bathroom. All the contents of her stomach now lied in the toilet, but Cordelia was still gagging. It seemed like forever until she wiped her mouth and flush the toilet.

She turned the faucet on and cupped the cold water in mouth to wash away the vomit flavor in her mouth. When she was satisified Cordelia looked up in the mirror and gasped. There, reflecting back at her, was her dead eyes mocking her. She looked like crap now with her pasty, pale skin and a permanent frown that she couldn't seem to shake. Scenarios flashed in her mind where her ex-boyfrined and her girlfriend are having sex on Faith's bed. Their sweat-laden bodies tangled together in the white sheets. The same bed that her and Faith made love on. The same bed she cuddle with Faith, laughed with her, and just were together period. The thought made her want to throw up again, but her stomach rumbled in protest. All she would be doing is dry heaving until judgement day.

Cordelia resigned herself to her fate as she quietly made her back into the room. She took a glance at the bed, but decided better not sit there. Cordelia leaned against the wall staring at nothing in particular, and as the tears fell, she sunk lower to the floor.

Faith opened the door to her motel room, and she instantly saw her girlfriend curled into a ball staring at nothing. Her eyes were puffy and red and her skin a ghostly pale. Cordelia didn't achknowledge Faith's presence, she just continued to stare at the bed.

"Cor?" Faith questioned, kneeling in front of the love of her life, "baby?"

Still no movement from the cheerleader so Faith pushed, "What's wrong?"

"Did you do it?" The girl in question whispered so softly that Faith's had to strain to hear it.

The slayer looked at Cordelia and tried not to gasp at her eyes, "Do what?"

Cordelia still never looked at Faith but she asked quietly, "Did you sleep with him?"

Faith was dumbfounded at first, but then it clicked. She didn't want to answer and that was just as bad as saying yes.

"You did sleep with him," Cordelia stated with a clipped voice.

Faith was filled with regret as she realized hwo broken Cordelia was, and that she was the one to do it, "I did."

"Why?" The cheerleader asked.

"I..." Faith's voice betrayed her emotions but she continued, "I was fighting this demon, and he was there. I killed it, but... he was there."

Cordelia looked at the slayer for the first time since Faith entered the apartment and she repeated incredulously, "He was there?"

"I didn't know what I was doing," the dark slayer explained, "it all happened so fast, and everything all out of control."

Cordelia sighed, "Because maybe you just wanted to screw him. After all you just killed a demon. Hungry and horny was it? So instead of ordering a pizza you decided to fuck Xander because he was there." She spit out the last part like some horrible taste in her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Cor," Faith pleaded, "it was a mistake. I never wanted to hurt you."

The taller brunette let out a hollow laugh, "Funny thing, Faith... you did." She stood up and stared down at the dark slayer, "in that bed no less."

"I'm sorry. Please tell me how to make it better," the slayer had a feeling that nothing was going to make it better.

As if Cordelia was readin her thoughts, she stated, "You can't, Faith. Nothing you do will ever make it go away. I will always know that you had sex with Xander on the bed that we shared. I was wondering... did you ever think of me? Did I ever cross your fucking mind when he was pounding into you?." When Faith didn't answer, Cordelia continued, "Either way you answer that you're screwed. So I decided something... we shouldn't see each other anymore."

The slayer gasped, "No."

"Yes," Cordelia retorted with a steely glare that sent shivers down Faith's spine.

"Please... don't do this," Faith begged, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

"I just did," the cheerleader returned. Then her faŤade dropped and the heartbroken woman came to the surface, "Why Faith? Why did you do it? Did I mean nothing to you? Did our time together mean absolutely nothing to you? Because it did for it me... it meant everything to me."

Faith swallowed the lump in her throat. She tried to speak, but her mouth was so dry and her mouth wasn't moving.

Figuring she wasn't going to get an swer, Cordelia sighed in silent agony, "You were never going to love me were you?"

The slayer just stood there, not moving and not saying anything. She wanted to protest, she wanted to tell Cordelia that she did love her, but she couldn't. Cordelia gathered her purse and headed toward the door. With one last look at the slayer that she loved a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

Faith turned her head toward the door just in time to see the other girl close it with a soft click. It was so loud against the deafening silence of the room, and she realized she just screwed up possibly the best thing she will ever have.