Secret Slasha – The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project
Secret Slasha – The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project

Drowning Sorrows
By zus
For AlyKat730

Anya idly tidied the Magic shop counter, rearranged various gars and bottles. It had been a hard day and she was tired. Tired of Xander and tired of life, sighing deeply she focused on a small bottle of dried frogs with one sole occupant left; alone, wizened and unwanted - just like her.

As the bell tinkled signalling a customer she couldn't even summon the enthusiasm to look up, hell, she couldn't summon anything. She'd tried everything she could think of to curse Xander and make him suffer the way she was suffering, to cause him the pain she was feeling.

"Hey, Anya."

Pulled from her thoughts Anya looked up in surprise; Willow was the last person she'd expected to see inside her shop, what with the whole 'suck-the-word-into-hell' thing.

"Willow! What are you doing here? Are you evil again? Because if you've come to suck the text out of anymore books you're out of luck, you've taken the good stuff already."

Willow laughed a little nervously and tried to straighten the slump in her shoulders. "Ha, yeah.... No, I mean, no. Not evil, so not evil. Just kind of depressed, sort of feeling between suicidal and totally freaked and swinging to, you know, suicidal again.... But so not evil!"

"Oh. Well that's all right then.... So you don't want to buy anything?" Old habits died hard, unlike Xander 'everybody loves me' Harris.

"No, well, yeah. But n-not the magic stuff. Totally staying away from that.... I was just kind of, you know, wondering if you had, um. Anything herbal? To, you know, make me feel better? Take the ugys away for a while?"

Anya poked at the frog jar as she considered. "Well, I suppose I could help you - in a non-magic way....

Oh! That wasn't an attempt to get me to ask you what the matter is? I know that's what a 'real' girl would do.... I mean, Xan... I mean, well, actually I'm not interested - but if you want I guess I could pretend?"

"Uh, oh. No, I, I didn't, you don't.... Tara's found somebody else." Utter dejection dripped from Willow's tone as she pulled out the reason for her visit.



"So, your ex. has found somebody else and now you're upset. Not upset like, they dumped-you-at-the-alter-in-front-of-everybody-you-care-about upset, just upset?"

"Hey, it's, you know.... I mean. I know you're hurting, but I'm hurting too and...." Willow's voice lost the sharp edge it had taken and took on a child-like, pleading tone "are you gonna help me?"

Anya looked up from her frog poking. "Sorry." She could hear the pain in Willow's voice, the quiet plea for help as the it lost it's sharpness. She didn't need over a thousand years of experience to tell her that it was a person in pain on the opposite side of the counter. If she'd been on tip-top form she'd have realised as soon as the Wicca walked through the door just how near the edge she was. But Anya wasn't at the head of her game anymore, Xander 'beady-eyes' Harris had seen to that!

"When did this happen? You seemed fine earlier."

"Yeah, I think Tara was doing the ol' 'break it to her gently' thing, you know, 'let's still be friends?'"

"That sucks!"

"Yeah" Willow's head fell forward, "so, you, um, you got anything?"

Anya studied the down cast face, seeing the unnatural pallor of the skin and the tight, thin line of the mouth and came to a decision.

"Actually, yes." Rummaging underneath the cash register her fingers found the bottle secreted at the back of the recess and produced it with a flourish. "Giles left a couple of supplies when he went back to England." Plonking the bottle on the counter between them Anya felt a grim satisfaction at the look of surprise on Willow's face. "This stuff is guaranteed to ease the hurt, make the sun shine a little brighter, make you forget for a while."

Willow sucked in her lip. "But, Anya. It's whisky?"

"Well, there's no point trying to get drunk on soda?"

"But, I can't.... I mean, I...."

"Why? Are you gonna let everybody tell you what to do your whole life? It's not like anybody cares if you drown your sorrows for a night."

"No, but I...."

Producing two glasses, Anya felt hope for the fist time all day. "Missy, we are gonna drown our sorrows, talk about how screwed up our lives are, and practise a little female bonding."


"Not literally, well - maybe later."

As Anya poured, Willow drank. Her words slurring as the bottle diminished.

"An', an' you know? I thought it would be forever. I, I loved her with all my heart." Willow waved her glass "and she throws me away 'cause I make one stupid itty-bitty, itty-bit little mistake? I mean...."


Willow burped. "I mean, I just wanted to make her happy. I though I, I was making her happy an'...."

Anya smiled, it had been so easy slipping Willow two drinks for her every one. Hope springs eternal and sometimes it comes up and takes a large chunk out of your ass.

"Yes, I thought, Xander was happy. I tried to change to please him, curb my tongue, utter meaningless platitudes instead of telling the truth. I cared if he cared. I let him get me off my guard and...." Anya's voice wavered and stopped.

"He's a poop head, they're, they're both big-fat-poop-heads!"

"Poop heads - Who are laughing their asses off at us!"


"Hysterically, we did everything for them!"


"Sure, don't you just wish you could punish them? Rip their hearts out like they ripped ours?"

Willow tried hard to focus as Anya's words washed over her.

"I just wish, Xander would feel some of the hurt I'm feeling. Feel the pain he's caused me.... I wish he'd be covered in suppurating boils and, an' his penis would wither and drop off - just to make him know what if feels like, don't you?"

Willow smiled the way drunks do when they finally manage to touch their noses.

"Yeah, - I, I wish Xander's poopy-head, poop-head penis would fall off too - and an' his heart would be ripped out and an' ow... OW! I, I wish, Tara's...."

"Thank you." Anya broke in, cutting off the drunken outpouring, and smiling with a bitter satisfaction as she took in the blank, drunkenness in Willow's eyes. She had no idea what she'd done. How ironic was that?

As Willow blinked to clear her vision, Anya's face transformed, loosing its human plains and distorting. Touching the pendent hanging around her neck with cold fingers Anya uttered the words that would change a life forever. "Your wish is granted."

The world stood still for Willow as Anyanka blinked out of existence. Like a bucket of cold water washing over her, realisation hit her with a heart-clenching suddenness, driving out the alcohol induced happy. "Oh God! O, oh, God.... Oh, Xander.... What have I done?..."