Never Been To Me
- Hey lady, you lady
- Cursing at your life
- You're a discontented mother
- And a regimented wife
- I've no doubt
- You dream about the things you'll never do
Cordelia scowled over the breakfast dishes, wishing she could be anywhere but Sunnydale, California, and with anyone but Xander Harris. 'Don't get me wrong,' she thought, 'I'm glad I came back, but sometimes... I wish things were different.' She allowed her dreams to fill her head... Oscars night... the BAFTAs... Cannes... but, she sighed, things were different now. She was most definitely a discontented mother, much as she loved her kids, and a very regimented wife.
She let the dishes slide back into the suds as the phone rang. It was Wesley. "Cordelia... It's Wesley." he said, rather uncertainly.
"What's wrong, Wesley?"
"I... it's Faith. They released her on bail and she's skipped town."
"Oh great... so what you telling me for?"
"They think she may be headed back to Sunnydale to look for Buffy."
Cordelia's heart skipped a beat. Much as she'd never admitted it to anyone, Faith had always been the person Cordelia had wanted to be. She had guts -- and then some. Cordelia knew she'd never have made a Slayer, but she'd always envied Faith her personality -- and the way she'd gotten close to Angel.
- But I wish someone had've talked to me
- Like I wanna talk to you
She felt sorry for Faith in a way, knowing herself how hard it was to make it on your own, with no-one to help her.
Suddenly, Cordelia dropped the phone in with the dishes as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned, and there was the Rogue Slayer in front of her. Leaving the phone with the rapidly cooling dishwater, she opened her mouth in shock.
"That was Wesley, I guess..." Faith drawled, and Cordelia felt a cold shiver run up and down her spine at the sound of the Bostonian's accent. She nodded, dumbstruck.
"I didn't come back to the 'Dale for B, Mrs Harris -- I came back for you."
"But why... I mean... I don't get it!"
- Ooh
- I've been to Georgia and California
- And anywhere I could run
- Took the hand of a preacher man
- And we made love in the sun
- But I ran out of places and friendly faces
- Because I had to be free
- I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
"Because I came back for you. I love you, Cordelia. You make me feel liberated. You make me complete. You make me feel -- well, me! This past year, I've done a lot of thinking. I've seen a lot of places in my mind -- but there's only one place I want to be -- with you."
- Please lady please lady
- Don't just walk away
- Cause I have this need to tell you
- Why I'm all alone today
Cordelia felt like she was about to faint. "Uh...." she moaned softly, quite unable to make her mouth and brain connect. Wasn't all this what she'd dreamed of, all these years? A bit of excitement?
"All right -- I can see you might need a bit of working on... here, sit up properly in the chair. I bet your shoulders are really tense!"
"Uh- yeah, they are..."
"Come on Cor, I'm not gonna bite..."
Oh God -- she's getting closer!
"...unless you want me to...?" Laughter flashed in Faith's eyes, making Cordelia feel like her skin was melting and would soon be in puddles at her feet. But she defiantly met Faith's gaze, not daring to break the contact between them.
- I can see so much of me
- Still living in your eyes
"Anyone ever tell you, you have beautiful eyes, Cor? I can see so much in your soul -- all that passion that your decorum won't let you believe you have... I can help you free it... if you believe in me."
Cordelia nodded dumbly. "Xander's not back until... uh, five-thirty, w-we have all day."
- Won't you share a part
- Of a weary heart
- That has lived a million lives
Faith moved round behind Cordelia, guiding her over to the sofa. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to..."
Oh, she's still worried I'm gonna reject her... Shit, what can I do about that?
"Faith..." Cordelia began, her eyes flitting everywhere, afraid to rest on the Slayer's face. "I've always wanted you, from the minute I first saw you."
God... she looks really vulnerable! I've never seen this side of her!
- Oh, I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece
- When I sipped champagne on a yacht
- I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
- And showed'em what I've got
- I've been undressed by kings
- and I've seen some things
- That a woman ain't supposed to see
- I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
She motioned the Slayer to sit next to her. "I've had a lot of different things happen to me in my life. You could say I'm sort of like a Cinderella figure in reverse. I had a lot of money when I was young -- too much, I think now. But I lost it all after I graduated high school -- my dad's company went bust. Seeing as Xander already had a job, I thought that was my only option for security. I didn't realise how unhappy it would make me."
- Hey, you know what paradise is?
- It's a lie
- A fantasy we create about people and places
- As we like them to be
"I was living the dream back then. I never thought for a minute that my world would be pulled out from under my feet."
Faith grinned. Her little Cordelia penniless -- she never would have guessed. Suddenly, she had a burning impulse to kiss her -- which she did, taking Cordelia's face in her hands and pressing her lips to the younger girl's forehead.
Cordy sprang back in shock, cocking her head to the side before she herself leant in to kiss Faith back. As she gained in confidence, she began to take the lead in the kiss, moving up over Faith's body, her hands in Faith's, pinning her down.
As the kiss was broken, Faith smiled up at Cordelia, pleased with what she'd achieved.
"How'd you like that, little lady?"
"Wow... that was... wow!" Cordelia shook her head in disbelief.
"You want some more?"
Cordelia nodded slowly, allowing Faith to lift her up off the chair damn that Slayer strength... and carry her into the bedroom.
"God... Faith..." Cordelia murmured.
"Yeah?" Faith looked down at the vulnerable girl in her arms.
"I don't know... I... I think I just want you to hold me... I want to know what it feels like to be held..."
Faith was shocked. "But... doesn't Xander...?"
Cordelia shook her head. "Typical guy, he's just all about the sex."
Faith nodded, sympathising with Cordelia. "That's why... I prefer girls."
"You do?" Cordelia gazed up into Faith's eyes, lost in the passion which inflamed them.
The Slayer nodded again. "Specifically... you."
"What?" Cordelia gasped, as the truth finally hit home like a hammer on her heart, shattering it into millions of tiny pieces.
"I want you, Cordelia." Faith stated simply, laying her down on the bed.
- But you know what truth is?
- it's that little baby you're holding
- And it's that man you fought with this morning
- The same one you're going to make love to tonight
- That's truth that's love
"B-but Xander... and... and little Nicky... Don't get me wrong, Faith, I think you're incredibly sexy -- but I can't give up my husband and child. He's the only one I've ever had, and the only one I ever will have. Yeah, that's right. I'm infertile. Nicky isn't even mine biologically -- Willow donated one of her eggs to us."
- Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
- That might have made me complete
- But I, I took the sweet life
- I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
"I'm always gonna love you, Faith. But this just can't happen. Not now, not ever. I want it to -- but it can't."
- I spent my life exploring
- The subtle whoring
- That cost too much to be free
- Hey lady I've been to paradise
- But I've never been to me...
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Cordelia. We could have been so good together." Faith said sadly, fighting the salty tears which were burning her retina as she silently left the Harris household.
- I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...
Cordelia sank back onto the bed and wailed for a while, before picking up Nicky from his cot in the nursery, calling Xander at work, and telling him she loved him.