Oedipus Rocks
It had to be an oedipal thing, Spike mused, this weakness he had for big-eyed brunets. He had the basic elements of the complex down. Kill the father: yep, he'd tried that many times but the big poufy bugger would never stand still long enough. Shag the mother: across seven continents and two centuries. Consider that taken care of. And sure, he and Dru were over, but a mother substitute was always perfectly acceptable and here he was with another doe eyed half mad brunet. Someone who washed his socks and nagged him about his smoking. Who worried about him coming home late at night and who was currently giving him a blow job whilst in a Santa costume, including big black boots and floppy red hat, which for some indecipherable reason involved a mouthful of exploding candy. It was, Spike decided, the most bizarre thing to happen to his cock since Dru dropped a kitten in his naked lap after a misunderstanding that guaranteed he never spoke dirty to her again.
That, with the hissing, the claws and the rapidly deflating erection had definitely been a bad thing. This though was just odd, but it was also Xander and Xander's mouth so it could never be a bad thing. In fact, he thought, as Xander ran his strangely tingling tongue from root to tip, it might even be a good thing.
Xander lifted his head from Spike's dick, smirked evilly enough to warm the cockles of Spike's heart and sucked one of Spike's balls into warm, tingling heaven.Ê
"Gnahh." Spike's eyes rolled back in his skull, an automatic upgrade from 'might be good' to 'shagcon one'. His mouth really wasn't connected to his brain at times like this.
"What was that?" Xander asked him. "You will wear the elf costume?"
"Snarr," Spike said eloquently, flapping his hands and glaring in a combination which clearly meant 'shut up and suck my dick some more'. His pet was an evil evil boy. He was so proud.
Xander hummed briefly against the underside of Spike's erection, eliciting another happy sound from the blond before rocking back on his heels. "So you coming to the party or not?"
"YES!" Spike gave in, if not gracefully, at least loudly. "I'll go anywhere, wear anything, do anything, just bloody finish already."
Xander took a large mouthful of pop rocks and a larger mouthful of Spike and put some effort in to it.
"YearghXanderloveyou." Spike felt like the top of his skull had blown off in the best way. Xander was sitting back, wiping his mouth and grinning hugely, like Spike had just done him the favour.Ê
Thinking back over the last few minutes Spike realised he'd just been had. He thought about refusing to go along with anything he may have agreed to while under the influence. Knew he could, that Xander would let him, but... Nummy would be so disappointed. Spike hung his head in defeat. He was such a sucker. It was time to put on the elf costume and go to meet his doom.
Bright lights, shiny ornaments, candy canes and laughing children. Spike was in hell. This made it official; he really was Oedipus and this was his punishment as inflicted by the three furies, Elf Willow, Elf Dawn and Mrs Buffy Clause. He'd rather go mad again. It didn't help any that these insufferable little rug monkeys kept giggling at him whenever he slipped into game face. He didn't know what was so funny about a master vampire in a green elf costume handing out brightly wrapped presents and growling under his breath. Okay he did know, but he wasn't happy about it.
Elf Willow ran into Mrs Buffy Clause over by the eggnog. "Any idea how Xander talked Spike into this?" Buffy asked her.
"I think he used some arcane Vampire/Mate ritual," Willow answered. "Or possibly blackmail." The two girls pondered the sight of Santa Xander on his gilded throne. They knew why he was there; Xander was a sucker for needy children and he spent enough Scooby related time at Sunnydale General Hospital that the nurses knew him well. Well enough that when they asked him to build Santa's throne for the children's party, and incidentally could he please be Santa, they knew he would be unable to say no. The presence of the not-so-evil-anymore-undead elf at his side was a little harder to explain. "...Definitely blackmail."
Dawn tried to hurry past them with a refill of presents for Santa's bag, but almost tripped over a small boy in a cast, she weaved to avoid him and ran into Willow instead. The presents went flying. Willow bent to help Dawn pick them up, her elf tunic riding up to reveal surprisingly long legs and the soft curve of... Buffy closed her eyes, took a deep breath, reminded herself she was the straight one in the group and bent to help.
"So, Dawnie," Willow was saying, "do you know how Xander conned Spike into doing this?"
Dawn shrugged and gathered the last of the presents. "Sure, he blew him, then got Spike to agree while his brains were still in his balls." She walked off, grinning just like Spike taught her, while behind her came the sound of two butts hitting the floor in shock.
"She is so grounded," Buffy managed to say eventually.
"And I'm so having a talk with Xander," Willow agreed.
They'd been doing this for two hours now and there were still more kiddies waiting to sit on Santa's knee. Everywhere Spike looked there were kiddies. He thought they must be seeping out of the walls, or maybe the nurses were putting them together out of spare parts in some dank backroom somewhere. Then he remembered he was on the Hellmouth, and decided not to tempt fate and just think happy thoughts. Like making his pet pay for getting him into this. There was no way he'd be forgiving Xander any time soon.
Then Xander looked up from the munchkin on his lap and their eyes met for a brief moment. Xander smiled, one of those special broad warm smiles he kept only for Spike and all was right in the vampire's world again. Children, trees, elves and Christmas parties didn't matter. What mattered was that in a couple of hours they would be home again, alone and together. That two minutes after that they'd be doing wicked naked things to one another and that they would go on doing things together, naked or otherwise, for as near to forever as they could get.
Fuck Oedipus; Spike had a Xander complex, and was damn happy about it.