Secret Slasha – The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project
Secret Slasha – The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project

One Girl
By Anonymous
For Jay

One girl in all the world. That's what they told me. Just another lie, I should have known better. Because there was already a One. Already a One who 's got it all figured out, who can do it all a thousand times better. Well, everything but this. But she'll learn.

She hasn't spoken a word yet, and I think about asking her where she's been these past few weeks. Something's wrong, if I'm the one she comes running back to, if all it takes was cheap wine and cheap promises. We both know that she shouldn't be doing this; But the dark brown roots of her usually perfect blonde hair are showing through, and her manicured nails are chipped and faded and somehow that makes it okay. Maybe she thinks this is what she wants, thinks I can make her forget. She should know better too.

I wonder what they'd say if they could see her now. But they'll never know, mostly because they don't want to know. Because she's Buffy, and they've never seen her like I've seen her...

Hair plastered to her face, smooth back arched, hips rising off the floor to meet me. just a body, just a body, just another fuck. But it's not and I almost wish I'd never had the chance to make this particular fantasy come true. I don't think I want this anymore. Not if she can't look me in the eyes.

Don't think, just concentrate on the sound of her breathing, the feeling of her skin against mine, the tiny whimpers that are just for me. Forget that I 've already lost her to faded memories of Angel, that she's not mine and never will be. Her lips are chapped and raw from biting back his name, and all I want is to kiss them, but she'd just turn away. And maybe it's easier like this anyway, we can both pretend.I can pretend she's really here and she can pretend she's anywhere but.

This isn't how it was meant to be. She's hollow and broken, and I don't think she wants to be put back together. But the taste of her on my lips is addictive, and I don't think I'm quite ready to give it up yet.


And then its over, and it's like it never happened. I don't even register that she's gone until I hear the door slam shut. "Merry Christmas to you too, B" I whisper, wanting so badly to run after her, tell her it's all okay. But it's not, and won't ever be again.