Mourning
Angel watched the lights from L.A. from the window knowing it would be dawn soon. The souled vampire sat contemplating the 'City of Angel's' in an armchair and a half empty bottle of Irish Whiskey on Christmas Eve. Bringing the bottle up in a toast to an invisible foe Angel took another draught he sighed and then began to settle into a full brood his shoulders tightening and eye brows drawing together.
He was mourning.
Contrary to popular belief his anger and grief since the final battle was not because of the death of a 'worthy opponent' or for losing Connor a fourth time. Connor had gone back to the normal life, that Angel had set up for him when he joined Wolfram and Hart, just as soon as the battle against the Senior Partners was finished. No Angel was mourning someone he loved, and no not Cordelia that ship had long ago sailed.
Angel and the object of his affections had never gotten together because the timing had never been right for either of them.
Neither for Angel nor for Wesley.
When Wes had first shown up in L.A. he was lost, left adrift in the real world after his carefully sculpted upbringing and struggling to find out who he really was. Angel had been mourning the death of his half-demon seer Doyle and at the same time endeavoring to help Cordelia deal with the burden of visions from the Powers that Be. The souled vampire had noticed Wesley's attractiveness back in Sunnydale and the lost look in his eyes appealed to Angel's demon. But Angel had lost his soul not too long ago and woud not allow his demon another chance at freedom.
When things had settled into a pattern; vision, research, save the world Angel had thought that maybe, maybe, he might have a chance with the young ex-watcher. Still he wanted to give Wesley time to discover himself, and Angel waited too long the young man lost himself in a big black man named Gunn.
For a time the two men had been happy and Angel had dealt with being utterly miserable by beating up several demons a night. Then he became lost in the world of Wolfram and Hart, evil lawyers, and a resurrected sire. Darkness had come over him and he had wanted to save all of them especially when Wes was shot. That had hurt. Still the others had been hurt too and resisted letting him back in. Eventually he wore them down enough that they trusted him again and just before Pylea Angel thought he might have had his lucky break. Wes and Gunn had a fight.
And broke up.
But before Angel could make a move they were sucked into another dimension and searching for a lost girl. He had nearly lost himself too and thank the PTB for damsels in distress. When they had come back from Pylea Fred had found her way into Gunn's warm embrace and Wes had been hurt. Angel could see that, could see the yearning for both members of the relationship and wanted to comfort the young man. Then Darla had come back... pregnant and Angel had a child to raise and no time to spend with Wesley.
Big mistake. Wesley had been struggling to help so much and to be so many things that Angel had let him down had not shown Wesley how much he cared for Connor in the right ways. Had done nothing to dissuade Wes that the prophecy was wrong. Angel had missed when Wes had grown up when he had become a dangerous man and this caused him to loose his best friend and his son. Wesley had had his throat slit and the baby he was trying to protect taken from him before the wounded mans best friend tried to suffocate him.
Suffocate him, Gods.
Nothing hurt like someone you loved betraying you.
Then Lilah had been all over Wes and when the young man had rescued him from the ocean the first thing he scented was Lilah and booze. He had driven Wes to both and still continued to push the young man away. He had seen red every time he scented that bitch on his Wes. There had been a reason why Angelus had killed such a potentially powerful bargaining piece. When Angel came back to himself he was pleased that Angelus had never told Wesley of his affections, that Wesley remained safely in the dark. He was shit scared that the only reason Angelus had not told Wes was because the vampire wanted to tell the mortal just before siring him.
So Lilah was dead and the Angel Investigations team was handed Wolfram and Hart on a silver platter but Wes fell for Fred and fell hard like he always did and Angel was mourning Cordy and punishing himself for letting any of that happen. Jasmine, Connor, Cordy, Angelus... Fred had transformed, becoming Illyria and Wes had been crushed. Angel had wanted to rend things to shreds for hurting Fred and for hurting Wes.
Now it was the first Christmas since the final battle and Wesley had not survived. Had died fighting a demon Angel had sent him to kill. Watching the sun breach the horizon Angel sighed, not moving.
Wesley had always liked Christmas.