Secret Slasha — The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project
Secret Slasha — The Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Slash Fanfiction Secret Santa Project

Client Privilege
By Kate
For Voleuse

The vengeance demon was her first real client. Three years out of law school, spending those past three years' worth of days, evenings and weekends carting around briefs and coffees for vicious junior partners, and, finally, finally, she had a real assignment.

It should've been that particularly angry little junior partner's assignment, the one who would order incredibly complicated lattes and then throw them at the nearest wall when they weren't up to his standards, but, well, you shouldn't drink so much coffee anyways. You never know what might be in it.

Lilah bought a new suit, complete with matching pearls and shoes, for her first meeting with her client. After all, there was always a market for vengeance. And vengeance always needed lawyers -- otherwise it was just tacky vigilante action, like an Old West posse without the white hats. She strolled into her new office (small window and some rather ghastly artwork on the walls -- Coffee Partner's taste veered towards the kind of landscapes you bought at discount malls) and looked at the woman sitting in front of her desk. "Anyanka," she said, holding out her hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

Anyanka smiled, teeth gleaming sharply, like so many little knives, and shook her head.


It only took a month she got the first call. 3AM on a Saturday night, and when her phone went off, the tall, dark and nameless creature in her bed groaned and rolled over, taking most of the pillows with him.

"Hello?" Lilah said groggily, tongue thickened with the after-effects of several cocktails.

"It's Anyanka." There was frustration in her voice, the kind similar to getting stuck in a long line or being unable to find your car keys. "I need to hide a body -- preferably in a place that can cope with long-term infection control...something like...a hundred years. Maybe more. Any recommendations?"

Lilah sighed, rubbed her eyes and reached for her planner.


"Teenage girl in Sunnydale -- I'll need the usual paperwork, plus whatever can get me into the school."

"Teenage?" Lilah raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you bothered with petty little things like that..."

Anyanka shrugged. "Well, it's Sunnydale, and you know how everyone keeps on raving about it... 'Oh, you just have to see it! Mouth of hell and all that -- we got some great photos from the mountains...and the demons! You won't believe the number of vampires there!' blah blah blah... The opportunity came up, and I just didn't think I could pass it by." She paused. "Besides, it's a particularly bloody break-up -- literally, even. I think she ended up with a piece of rebar through her stomach or something like that. Actual injury rather than just emotional."

Lilah nodded, writing down a few notes in her pad. "I'll have the Documents Department issue you the standards -- birth certificate, driver's license, et cetera. We have a number of properties in Sunnydale, so I'll call Estates for the keys to one of the mid-range houses, and you can drive up there today."

"Excellent!" Anyanka said. "I hope it's going to be a good one -- It's been so long since I've had a really fantastic vengeance. It's all 'destroying his worldly possessions' and 'boils on the penis' nowadays. Absolutely no imagination."

Lilah smiled politely and reached for the phone.


Another phone call in the middle of the night, and Lilah reached for her address book at the same time she reached for the phone. "Yes?"

"Morgan, I need your help."

Lilah glanced over at the other side of the bed, where her latest snored delicately against a pillow. "Anyanka?" she whispered, carrying the phone into the other room. She closed the door tightly.

"Yes, it's me. I need help."

Lilah reached for a pen and her notebook. "What do you need?"

The line was silent for a few seconds. "I lost it."

"...'lost it'?"

"Okay, see, when I pretend to be a human, so that they don't get suspicious, I channel my power into a charm or a pendant or something like that -- something that they don't notice. made her wish, and I granted it, but I wasn't expecting a Watcher to be involved at all and my pendant was..." She took a deep breath. "Kind of smashed into a million pieces, taking my power with it."

Lilah blinked. "You lost your pendant."

"And my powers."

"And your powers." Lilah blinked a few more times. "All of them?"

"Look, okay, I'm not proud of it or anything -- it's standard operating procedure for vengeance demons, right? We all do it, and it's really rare for someone to figure out what to do, but this Watcher --"

"Wait -- a Watcher?"

"I know! All those stupid vacation photos and not one other demon mentioned the fact that there was a Vampire Slayer, complete with Watcher." Anyanka paused. "So...what's the back-up plan at the firm for when I lose my powers?"

Lilah blinked a few more times. "Excuse me?"

"You know, the back-up plan. You must have one for all your clients, when they're not able to produce the same magic, or, um, pay..."

Lilah closed her eyes and kept them closed for several seconds. "Anyanka..."

"You must provide them with new identities, or maybe get their powers back for them, or something like that, right?" Anyanka's voice grew little desperate. "Right?"

"In the event of a demonic entity falling under the category of vengeance, revenge, justice or other form of equivalence losing its powers, the current contract of legal representation shall be terminated," Lilah paused in her recitation. "And any future contact between said entity and the former legal contact, after the initial notification of contract termination, shall be considered a grievous violation of the legal contact's employment contract."

There was another long pause. "So there's no plan."

"There's no plan."

"And you can't even talk to me."

"And I can't talk to you." Lilah paused again. "Sorry."

Anyanka's response was brief, succinct and particularly foul, right before hanging up.

Lilah rolled her eyes, and began drafting a memo.


And despite that rather firm piece of legal writing, Anyanka contacted her a few weeks later.

It was late at night, and Lilah, rather than spending another night with another nameless glittering wonder, had come home with a very large collection of binders and an even larger deadline pressing on her. Despite living in one of the largest demographically important areas of demonic activity, everything still seemed to focus on that stupid little one-street town up the 1 freeway.

So when she saw the girl sitting in the hallway, blocking her front door and obviously going to ruin her evening, Lilah knew she had two options.

She could either call up the Contract Enforcement division and have them take care of this little problem, save her career, keep everything status quo, maybe get a slight office change out of it.

Or, based on the paperwork in her hands, and that feeling down in her belly about how things could be...

She reached for her keys and adjusted the binders to one hip. "Legally, I'm obligated to say I'm not talking to you."

Anyanka looked up, face streaked with tears. "There's nowhere else to go," she said softly.

Lilah nodded, and unlocked the door.